The world is ending. A lot happens in Goodbye Volcano High, but that fact remains inescapable. It remains ever-present alongside every soft-spoken word, every strum of the guitar, like an ulcer on the roof of the mouth. You can ignore it, maybe even acclimate to its presence, but every so often, maybe on the bus or in the dead of night, your tongue brushes against it and you remember, and it stays there with you. A thing unspoken, but always felt. The world is ending.
And yet, you need to distract yourself. Fang, Volcano High’s protagonist, distracts themself with music, or chatting with friends, or preparing for the Battle of the Bands. It all works for a time, and they manage to convince themself that maybe it’s not such a big deal after all. But then there’s a note on the fridge, written for a version of Fang that never truly existed, that her mother refuses to let go of, and the ulcer returns. Oh yeah, it reminds Fang, did you know? The world is ending.
It’s no problem though, Fang assures themself, they have Battle of the Bands to practice for. Once they win that, they’ll be set for life! Their band, Worm Drama, will be set for life. They can tour and make music and love it all at the same time, and it’ll be everything they’ve ever needed! But then, their bandmate Trish keeps talking about her pet worm, and her new friend Rosa who she’s been hanging out with a lot these days, and she doesn’t seem to get how exciting this situation is??? And there it is again. Is the band falling apart? Of course it is, the ulcer mocks, because the world is ending.
The magic of Goodbye Volcano High‘s writing is not in what’s said, but rather what isn’t. Every scene is drenched in layers of miscommunication; the tension at the core being that these childhood friends who’ve gone through hell and back for each other have things to say, but can’t find the courage to acknowledge the asteroid in the room that may well obliterate their relationships. It think the beauty of it isn’t in trying to figure out what the unspoken issues are, because it’s clear what the issues are from the get-go. You can see it on everyone’s faces, and hear it in their phenomenal vocal performances. At the end of the day, nobody wants to talk about how the world is ending, and their world along with it.
The end of the world…
There was a point in time when Goodbye Volcano High scared me. The game foreshadowed the end of the world and I just…stopped playing. I could tell what was happening, and I didn’t want to see it happen, so I left the game to play other things. But still it lingered in my mind (and on my PS5 menu screen); my inaction haunted me for days, as it often does in the rest of my life.
If it’s not Goodbye Volcano High, it’s an unanswered text, unwashed dishes in the sink, bins long since due unfilling… A text message addressed to my deadname because I’ve never taken the steps to have my name legally changed. Much of that is probably my almost-guaranteed undiagnosed ADHD, but it’s more than that at times. So often, I can’t help but be filled with this feeling of purposelessness. What’s the point of any of this? The world is ending anyway.
But then, that’s the point right there, isn’t it? The world is ending, and life is finite. Our existence is a miracle all by itself; the fact that we’re able to be alive right now, for however brief a time, is incredible, impossible even. Despite everything, we’re still here, and we may as well make the most of what time we have.
I used to be scared of Goodbye Volcano High because I was afraid of how it would hurt me. It did such a wonderful job endearing me to this beautiful cast of queer characters, many of whom I saw myself and my real life friends in, and I knew it was just as ready to rip them away from me. But I kept playing, eventually, and I realised that hiding away like that, refusing to acknowledge the truth, is what was actually hurting me all along. By avoiding, I was robbing myself of the beauty and richness and LIFE that the game had in store.
If I hadn’t kept playing, I never would have enjoyed the game’s three D&D sessions, or the tension leading up to Battle of the Bands, followed by the euphoric release of absolutely nailing it. I never would have found out who sent a surprise love confession to Fang at the news of the asteroid heading in their direction, and the gorgeous scenes with that person that followed.
And most importantly, I would have never seen those initial conflicts resolved. I would have left Fang unable to fix that unspoken wound at the heart of her friendship with Trish. I would have never been able to suffer through some very realistic depictions of a parent deadnaming me and pretending my transness doesn’t exist, only to see them accept me as I am, tears in my eyes, right at the end of everything.
My biggest fear is dying with regrets. I’m always paralysed by the worry that I’m not making the most of every situation, and that paralysis leads me to oftentimes do nothing at all, and let the waves of time drift me into oblivion. But…that’s wrong. I know it’s wrong, because I also live for the little kindnesses across my day. It’s the tiny moments of sweetness from the people you care about, or even total strangers, that make this whole living thing worthwhile.
Because ultimately, we are all we’ve got. The rest is just worm drama.
★★★★★
There Is No Sleep 
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